I swear, if one more of my children comes up to me and tells me they want to be a princess or a unicorn or. . . .heaven forbid a princess unicorn. . .I WILL THROW UP ALL OVER THEM. . .and all over my husband for spawning such girls.
Girls who would rather wear pink instead of black.
Girls who would call for their knight instead of their broom.
Girls who would rather be pretty instead of jaw droopingly ugly.
This is an outrage.
Anyway. . .
Enough of my complaining.
I'm sure I do this every year, when the disappointment hits that my children are not, in fact, me.
Horror loving fools.
Let me get to the task at hand, before I start crying in my candy corn.
Guess what Phoebe wants to be for Halloween.
I'm waiting. . . . . .
A pretty little dolly.
Well at first she wanted to be a princess.
Then she said Lalaloopsy (pretty little hard faced weird dolly).
So I said okay, because even though I am an Ogre of a Mother, and reasonably expect my children would to want to be ghoulish. . . .I do have a heart . . . .albeit a green slimy one . . . . so, I always relent to their silly, misguided costume wants.
So I bought this costume.
Because of course my 3 year old didn't want me to make it.
So this years stupid, dumb, dumb, stupid, not scary at all tutorial is . . . . . .
LaLaLoopsy Make-Up - How To!
What you need:
Only make-up that you already have in the house. Don't not buy another thing. Who cares if you don't have the correct colors. Your children should have wanted to be zombies or witches or at least black cats. Do not relent. . .
Black Liquid Eyeliner
Regular Black Eyeliner Pencil.
Pink Cream Face Paint (I used red and white and mixed them together)
Thin Make-up brush to apply the cream
Face glitter, optional
Glitter mascara, optional
Black lipstick, optional
*This is not optional. You need something to keep your strength up.
1.) Grab that adorable 3 year old kid, and tell her to put her costume on herself, because YOU'RE NOT HELPING. Say, "Ooooooh, now you want my help. You didn't need my help when you were selecting out your costume though, did you?" And then. . . . . just help her. Because otherwise you'll be there all day.
2.) Accept the fact that, that sucker is cute. And just go with it. Besides, it should do you some good to know that the neighbors kid is going as Spiderman. . . .AGAIN. Real innovative thinker that one is.
3.) Dream up ways to deceive her little naive mind. Tell her that all the Lalaloopsy's you have ever heard of wear black boots. It's the rule. It has to be done. (You are doing this to try and sneak the color black into her costume by any means necessary. Stay focused.) When she denies you this one request, and insists on wearing the horse boots that came with the costume, cry. Cry like there is no tomorrow. She'll probably just look at you like your a crazy person, but it's worth a shot.
4.) Look straight into her eyes and tell her that beauty is not all that it is cracked up to be. That pretty is great and all that, but ugly is horrifying and beautiful in its own grotesque way. Then tell her to close her eyes so that you can give her some GIGANTIC painted on eyelashes like that crazy hard ragdoll she loves so much.
Whether she's moving or not, tell her to stop wiggling so much. Tell her to stop talking and not to be so excitable. TELL her this is HARD WORK, so that she won't know how much your enjoying her transformation.
5. Now, draw a Ragdoll smile on her face to match the one already on her lips.
6.) Using the pink cream make-up (mix red and white together if needed), paint two pink quarter sized circles on her cheeks. They should be the size of the tears coming out of your eyes.
7.) Tell her she better smile and be grateful you even bought this silly little costume.
8.) Slap that wig on that cute kid of yours, and take some pictures.
And Sparkle mascara.
Realize that you have won because she is now a Goth Lalaloopsy, and you are pretty sure that is all you have ever wanted out of life.